If you're thinking about buying your significant other an
engagement ring, you aren't alone. December is in the midst of engagement
season, according to bridal websites and jewelers. You might think a warm
summer evening would offer the best setting for a proposal, but according to
the wedding planning website theknot.com, 39 percent of weddings begin with a
proposal between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day.
So take a deep
breath if you're aiming to buy your beloved a ring in the near future, because
when it comes to making this purchase, you have plenty of options.
Learn before you buy. An engagement ring can be a pricey purchase,
and one could easily spend $10,000 or more without trying. But not every ring
rivals the price of a car. At the time of this writing, Wal-Mart's website
lists its lowest-priced engagement ring for $28 and sells them up to $500. The
average engagement ring costs around $5,000, according to theknot.com, although
plenty of stores offer engagement rings in the $1,000 to $3,000 range, featuring
diamonds, emeralds, rubies and other stones.
The four Cs play into the price of a diamond: color, clarity,
carat and cut. If you're planning to buy a diamond and these are important to
you (or your beloved), make sure the ring comes with a report from the GIA
(Gemological Institute of America), which sets the standards for diamond
grading and gemological identification.
In fact, if you're so inclined, you could read entire books about
how to make the right purchase, such as "Engagement & Wedding Rings:
The Definitive Buying Guide for People in Love," by Antoinette L. Matlins
and Antonio C. Bonanno.
No need to rush. If you
feel like you need to speed up the buying process because you have your
proposal pegged to a certain date, like Christmas or a long-planned vacation,
there's still no need to hurry, says Erin Mavian, a co-founder of Blueprint
Proposals, a New York City-based boutique concierge company that specializes in
helping create unique wedding proposals.
Mavian says one of the biggest trends she has seen lately is the
"placeholder" ring, "a family heirloom or special ring that
holds the place of the engagement ring, so the couple can pick it out together.
It's a really sweet way of ensuring a proper marriage proposal and a way of
incorporating both fiancées into the purchasing process," she says.
Practice shopping first. Before Eric Fischgrund,
a communications professional, proposed to his girlfriend in San Diego last
September, he researched engagement rings online. He found a lot of great
information, but says his best intel came from visiting the diamond district in
downtown New York City, a short distance from his office.
"The vendors are aggressive, to put it mildly, but being able
to actually go through the shopping experience, knowing full well you're just
there for the education, made me a much better negotiator when I found someone
I trusted," says Fischgrund, who brought a friend of his fiancee's along
for support. He recommends going to at least five stores where you don't plan
to actually buy anything, and learn everything you can about engagement rings.
Buy creatively. Not that
you shouldn't go to a diamond district or a big jewelry chain, but also
consider eBay and esty.com, which both feature thousands of online sellers of
engagement rings. Some consumers have had luck with other off-the-beaten-path
avenues.
For instance, Kelly Rouba, a freelance writer in Trenton, N.J.,
says her fiancé bought her an engagement ring while on a cruise. Rings were
steeply discounted on the ship, but when they got off at the Bahamas, they
found a very inexpensive ring with a reputable company and headquarters in New
York City. "Which is comforting to know, should any issues arise,"
Rouba says.
Kristen Barrett, a publicist in Scottsdale, Ariz., is engaged and
will be getting married in January. She says her fiancé bought a $6,000
engagement ring, but then found that they had virtually nothing left over for
wedding bands. The couple went to a pawn shop and found two rings for under
$250. "I was shocked at how beautiful some of the rings were,"
Barrett says.
Don't be afraid to go cheap. If you feel in your gut that you should go
for the pragmatic rather than wildly romantic route when ring shopping, plenty
of people have your back.
Mark Elliott, president of Elliott Asset Management in San Diego,
advises his clients to "spend as little as possible on a really worthless
rock and marketing scheme and spend [money] on something 'real' for themselves
instead. That three or none months of pay put into a home or a good investment
account could mean several years of earlier and more comfortable retirement
while one is still healthy," Elliott says.
He adds that starting off with a huge purchase that leaves you in
debt will just make the beginning of your marriage rockier, economically
speaking, and money problems, are "a leading reason for failed
marriages," Elliot says.
You also want to be very careful if you're both involved in the
purchase of the ring but can't come to an agreement on how much you should
spend, says April Masini, founder of an online relationship advice site,
askapril.com. She says she has come across many women who bought their own
engagement rings "because they either wanted to make the selection on
their own, or they wanted to buy something that was pricier than what he could
afford."
Sounds reasonable, but Masini says resentment may bubble up later
if one spouse feels the other should have paid for the ring, or if the spouse
who did pay feels he or she was pushed and prodded to spend too much.
The idea that you need to spend big – say, three months' salary –
is a myth perpetuated by the jewelry industry, Elliott says. Numerous personal
finance experts have made similar charges.
"Many new couples don't have a lot of experience with money
as a couple, and the wedding and engagement ring, both expensive forays, are
their first experiences with it," says Masini, who adds that you can
always go big and buy a splashier ring for the fifth, 10th or 20th anniversary.
If you buy responsibly and avoid a ton of debt and financial grief
later, you may look back someday and realize your careful and methodical ring
purchase was the most important decision you made in the early days of your
marriage – besides actually proposing, of course.
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